CF: A Case of Misguided Identities
by LadyAlexandraNoir
Summary: Mr. & Mrs. Potter loved their little girl very much. So much that they actually dabbled in the Dark Arts to protect her instead of getting on a fucking plane to fucking Australia and leaving the Wizarding World behind. (Or Alex gets stuck in a very compromising situation) (Rated M cause of the language)
1. Haley Potter: The Early Years

_**So I was bored one day at work and this story was born, I love trying new perspectives and well, I'm giving this type of Self-Insert a go, please tell me what you think of it and I might be persuaded to continue it ;)**_

 _ **Alex.**_

 _ **Ps. I think there's a little too much of swearing here, you have been warned.**_

* * *

 **1981-1991.**

Mr. & Mrs. Potter loved their little girl very much. So much that they actually dabbled in the Dark Arts to protect her instead of getting on a fucking plane to fucking Australia and leaving the Wizarding World behind. No, they had to 'hide' in the worst place ever and get fucking killed, with James Potter it was almost forgivable, he had been a pure-blood, but Lily Evans had been a muggleborn, she should have known better.

Alas, it was not important, because whatever they had done to protect Haley Potter hadn't worked, or it had, just not the way they wanted to... And what was the deal with Haley anyways, wasn't it supposed to be a Harry Potter? Harrison Potter? Harman Potter? Harvest Potter? Something Male Potter? I mean I was not complaining, adding gender dysphoria to an already shitty situation would have been worse. But yeah, apparently Harry Potter was a girl, and thankfully not one named Harriet or Henrietta or something dreadful like that, but rather Haley, which was quite nice and pronounced Hayley and not Hally, not the name I would chose for a child, but a nice name.

So anyways, where was I? Ah yes... Idiots with good intentions, James and Lily, poor kids, but hey they were dead now and nothing could hurt them, they weren't the ones shipped off to live in a cupboard under some stairs until Dumblefuck thought it was the perfect time to die, at this pace I was going to end up as Dark Lady Haley. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, James and Lily Potter, they didn't save their daughter, no, they pulled some misguided soul from another universe (me) into Haley's corpse, which was not a corpse anymore, weird.

I was probably at the face of some cosmic joke, or I was the joke. I couldn't really tell. Sad thing was that being a girl, and a cute one at that didn't save me from Petunia Pettyness Dursley and her cupboard under the stairs. No, as long as the woman had found me on her porch she shoved me under the stairs, the bitch. Vernon was no better than Petunia, often complaining about having another mouth to feed, like, yes I got it children were expensive, but a little human decency went a long way, and I was supposed to be the freak here, if they only knew.

* * *

The first few days after me being dumped with the Dursleys were weird to say the least, but hey, I got let out of the cupboard sometimes and I could tumble freely around the house, at least until Petunia shoved me back in. And you know those fics in which Harriet Potter is suddenly a carbon copy of Lily? Ha! No, I was a black haired, green-eyed child, probably a girl version of James Potter, with Lily's eyes, oh the sentiment. So yeah, Petunia was an A-Grade bitch and Vernon was an asshole. Dudley was just a fat spoiled child, at the moment.

Days passed and things didn't change, as I really wasn't a toddler I tended to get bored easily and irritated as Dudley cried a lot. Petunia being Petunia often tried to pin it on me, which is why I often escaped to the small backyard, I couldn't be blamed for Dudley if I was not in sight. Of course the first time I had been locked outside for the night had been rude, and I had nightmares as my emotions tended to be rather childish.

When I turned two, or rather when Hayley turned two, which was basically the same thing as I was Haley now. Petunia had handed me a rag and told me to scrub the floors clean, I refrained myself from glaring at her and took the rag, at this pace I was going to be called Potterella in just a few months, but I needed to remember that at the moment I was defenseless, I was the egg, the Dursleys the rock, so I took it like a champ and did everything they told me to without complaint... Oh the joys of child slavery, Kony had nothing on the Dursleys.

Of course not everything sucked... Who was I trying to kid, everything sucked specially the cupboard, specifically the fucking cupboard under the motherfucking stairs, I was going to end up with claustrophobia and many other illnesses by the time or if I managed to reach five, freaking spiders. Me being me, I managed to suck it up at the best of my abilities and keep going, although one day, one day I was going to blow the damned thing up.

* * *

"Pay attention girl!" Said Petunia hitting my head with a plastic ruler, I looked up at her and glared, the 'go fuck yourself' went unheard but I'm sure that she knew.

I was five now, four years of my own personal hell. I hated Petunia, I hated Vernon, Dudley, despised Marge and her hellish dogs, and I was a dog person but those beasts couldn't be called dogs, dogs were awesome, Marge's pugatory spawns were not. But hey she had said it herself, if there was a problem with the bitch there was going to be problems with the pups.

Now a beneficial thing about Harry actually being Hayley was that Petunia couldn't dress me in Dudley's old clothes, so she actually had to buy things for me, granted not pretty things and mostly second handed things, but they fit well enough.

"Girl" Petunia warned me, but I rolled my eyes and continued with my musings, if I ignored the tramp she usually went away, anytime now... "Haley Potter!" Ha! I looked up at her innocently, or as innocently as I could.

"Do you have a problem Aunty?" I asked, my sweet childish voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Is your turn to make breakfast" Petunia said, I kept staring at her.

"But Miss Paulson says that we shouldn't be around the stoves or fires, is dangerous, I asked her yesterday" I said, the picture of pure innocence, Petunia glared at me, face morphing with anger, I had to fight the smile off my face.

She stormed off several minutes later leaving me to the book I was reading, ah Dickens tell me more about misguided orphans. While it was true that Petunia didn't really feed me much, just scraps and what she thought was food, and she probably stunted my growth, I had learned to manipulate her enough so that she left me alone, and Miss Paulson, the primary teacher was a really cool old lady who loaned me books so I could read, since she thought I was some sort of prodigy, _no ma'am just a twenty four year old in a kid's body, ain't that wicked?_

Of course Petunia and Vernon hated my perfect grades as opposed to Dudley's horrifying ones, it made it even much more amusing getting them. Downside was that at primary school I didn't have many friends, not really, since Dudley was a bully that loved making my life hell, not that I cared much as I didn't have patience for children.

"Haley wouldn't you like to spend recess outside?" Had asked Miss Paulson once, I had looked up from the battered copy of the Silmarillion and snorted.

"I'd rather not" I had answered and I had been left to my own devices.

I of course was a well behaved child, teachers loved me and there was nothing the Dursleys could do about it, Petunia couldn't slander my name with the neighbors as on the weekends I helped Mrs. Number Seven with her flowers, and Mrs. Number Nine with her poodle. I was generally well liked in Privet Drive and thus Petunia had to put up the nice aunty front whenever there were people close by. It filled me with glee seeing her face distort as if she was permanently chewing on a lemon whenever someone complimented the well behaved Potter girl that lived on number 4.

* * *

When I turned nine, while I was still sleeping in the fucking cupboard my general life was not bad, I mean at least I was not doing a rendition of Potterella anymore, which was awesome. I had my own books, which were safely hidden, in said cupboard and a flashlight that Miss Anabelle, my first grade teacher had given me. The clothing still sucked, the food was still shit and the Dursleys were still the Dursleys but we had come to an agreement.

"I am a magical child" I had declared one Saturday afternoon while Duddley was out with his friends, Petunia and Vernon had been horrified by the statement, Vernon had turned a nice puce color and Petunia had paled.

"We have squished the freakiness out of you" said Vernon and I laughed.

"You haven't, in fact you two have been so caught up trying to squish the so called freakishness out of me that you have become freaks yourselves, what would my grandmother say of you Petunia inciting child slavery with your own niece, I wonder what child services would say of the Grunnings director that keeps his poor orphaned niece in the cupboard under the stairs, poor thing" I said, a smirk on my face.

"You ungrateful little brat, we have clothed and fed you, we put a roof over your head" said Vernon, I rolled my eyes.

"Oh woe is me, you fed me the scraps of your table, clothed me with second handed thing and tossed me into a fucking cupboard, and you call me ungrateful, I should be calling the cops on you for child abuse, but hey at least once I turn eleven I'll be out of your hair and I'll tell my very magical teachers of how you treated me" I teased, Vernon turned even more purple while Petunia kept paling.

Of course the next thing happened too fast, Vernon moved to strike me and ended up pinned against the wall, me glaring at him and my burst of accidental magic, or maybe not so accidental, keeping him in place.

"Let me tell you a little something Vernon, I am not nice and whatever chance you and Petunia had to make me love or even like the two of you and the bleached whale you call son went out of the fucking window years ago, so I'll warn you, you try to lay a hand on me and I will fucking end you, am I understood?" I asked forcing a little bit of my magic to choke Vernon a bit, he nodded slowly and I let go of him "Now I will move my books to the guest bedroom, do not bother me"

After that small episode the Dursleys were terrified of me, I briefly wondered if I was becoming another Voldemort and shrugged it away, little ol' Moldyshorts was plain evil, while I had an actual reason for lashing out. The next year and half proved to be interesting as I started being treated as a 'guest' instead of a pest, Vernon particularly turned a lovely shade of purple whenever I made the plates float during dinner, or whenever a knife hovered a little too close to him, I ended up with migraines after forcing my magic like that, but it was so fucking worth it.

My eleventh birthday came without much fanfare, I was glad that I had talked myself out of going to the zoo for Duddykins birthday, as if I wanted to spend time with the Dursleys, but that morning I received my Hogwarts letter, addressed to Privet Drive's guest room, I walked into the kitchen with the tawny owl perched in my hand and sat on the table so I could write my reply, asking for professor McGonagall to kindly escort me as my aunt was indisposed.


	2. Haley Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

**Year One.**

 **Enjoy my crazy kids!**

 **Alex.**

 **ps. Leave a review, tell me what you think of the story ;)**

* * *

When McGonagall arrived two days after my response letter I was dressed in my best dress, a pair of white oxfords, courtesy of Mrs. Number Seven and my hair up in pigtails, I looked the picture of perfect adorableness and it would have been perfect if not for the dirty looks Vernon kept giving me.

"Good morning, you must be professor McGonagall" I said when I opened the door, the stern woman smiled at me.

"Haley Potter?" She asked, I nodded with a smile, "Do I need to have a word with your guardians before we leave?" She asked, I shook my head quickly.

"They don't really like magic much, or me, so its better if we just leave ma'am" I said as innocently as I could, McGonagall frowned but nodded and I skipped out of the house after her.

Side-long apparation was horrible, but effective. I stuck close to McGonagall as we walked into the Leaky Cauldron, trying not to draw attention to myself, the scar had been covered with Petunia's makeup, not that she had noticed that I had stolen her spare foundation and bb cream, but it was effective as my forehead looked scar-free. Diagon Alley was wondrous yet looked a little bit in disarray, the first thing we did was walk into Gringotts, where McGonagall handed me my vault key, Griphook looked terrifying from my perspective, the trip down to the vault was revolting and didn't agree with my stomach. Thankfully I manage to keep what little breakfast I had within me, rather than on the gringotts floor.

Now the trust vault was another story, mountains of gold and silver littered the place and I smiled, I needed to keep in mind to invest in things like Google and Amazon in due time, maybe speak with the Goblins about it, get a statement, but that could wait, I was eleven, eleven year olds were not supposed to be money savvy. After getting a handful of galleons and sickles, I walked out of my vault and eyed the cart with distrust, McGonagall smiled at me and I sighed before getting in.

"I noticed that you didn't enjoy the Gringotts ride" said McGongall as we walked out of the bank, I looked up at her.

"Not particularly" I told her, she smiled amused and I rolled my eyes, witches and wizards were all crazy, I was sure of that.

* * *

Our first stop was Olivander's, the old man was creepy and probably looney, but so far every magical person probably was, hell at this point I'd wager that it was a prerequisite to magic. I ended up with the holly, phoenix feather wand as apparently some things were meant to be, I smiled at Olivanders and talked McGonagall into going to the book store, I started stacking up books about the wizarding world while McGonagall retrieved the actual school related ones. I ended up spending almost one hundred galleons in books only, but thanks to several spells and enchantments the bags didn't really weight much.

Then we visited Mme Malkins and I decided to get a whole wardrobe instead of just the uniform as I was honestly tired of the hand me downs, and if I ended up looking as a pureblood spawn then all the better, I was Hayley Freaking Potter. When we visited the magical menagerie I immediately went to Hedwig for emotional reasons, I was secretly a softie, so what? The rest of the trip was rather boring and I didn't meet any of my future peers, their loss.

When I returned to the Dursleys, Vernon was already purple and I had to use my powers of evil (the floating knife) to keep him subdued, I also informed them that I would leave next day. And I did, Petunia was eager to help me and dropped me off at the Leaky Cauldron and she even paid for the room I was using, which was convenient. Once I was free of the Dursleys and their dull home life I decided to put my life plan on action.

First things first, Goblins and money, money solved problems and I needed money, a materialist but real thought. I ended up investing in apple, and on the lookout for things like Google, Amazon and Yahoo! As it was barely 1991 and those things hadn't yet been developed. The Goblins had been perplexed but I promised them good money in a decade or so, I also ended up getting shares at Sony, which was nice if one thought about it. Once my money problems were more or less solved, I turned my attention to the books.

When September first rolled in I was sure I was probably up to third year in terms of academics, Hayley Potter would be no slouch. Now the thing was to actually get sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. According to Pottermore Slytherin was my one true house, but knowing the world around me if I was to get sorted in Slytherin then people would begin talking about me being the next Dark Lady or some shit like that. My best hope was Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff to keep things neutral but knowing myself I knew that it was going to be a tight match between the lions and the snakes.

* * *

Stepping into platform 9 3/4 had been an experience, period. The fact that I needed to walk through a wall was baffling enough, the fact that I wouldn't hit myself with said wall even more so, wizards were weird as fuck. But the train was actually nice, so there was that. Dressed in a pair of my best robes I stepped into the train, a nice looking student helping me with my trunk, I smiled and thanked the student and walked along the hallway, Hedwig perched on my shoulder. I kept walking along until I found a compartment, a blonde fat boy was sitting holding a toad, so Neville was blond, right, book canon.

"Hello, is that seat taken?" I asked, Neville blinked several times before stuttering a soft no, I smiled at him and sat across on the empty seat, "I'm Haley, and you?"

"Neville Longbottom" he said quietly and I frowned, poor kid.

"Well Neville, what do you like to do?" I asked probably coming across as a bit aggressive and pushy, but I needed to work on Neville's self worth.

"I like plants" he said softly and I grinned.

"Lovely! Plants can be really beautiful, and apparently my grandparents loved plants 'cause my mom's name was Lily and my aunt's name is Petunia" I said trying to channel my inner eleven year old.

"Lily?" He asked; I nodded.

"Lily Potter" I said and his eyes widened almost comically, I had to refrain from rolling my eyes.

"You're Haley Potter" he said in amazement, I nodded.

"And you're Neville Longbottom, I thought we had established our names already?" I asked and he flushed.

"You're the girl who lived" he said and I frowned, deciding to play stupid.

"The what?" I asked and he looked at me as if I was dumb, so Neville had a little fire, who would have thought.

"The girl who lived, you defeated you know who" he said, I raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry Neville, but I don't really know who, I mean is that a codeword for something?" Neville blinked once, then twice.

"You don't know?" He asked, I shook my head and he sighed before launching in a detailed explanation of the Dark Lord Moldyshorts and the first wizarding war.

"So you're saying that I'm famous for something that I had no control over and was probably a result of something my parents did?" I asked and Neville seemed conflicted before nodding, I snorted "Well aren't you folks lively"

"Where have you been living for the past few years?" He asked interested, I shrugged.

"In a cupboard under some stairs" I answered and he didn't seem impressed at all, he probably thought that I was an idiot, which was nice, I needed to appear harmless to the masses. "But anyways, I've been reading about the wizarding world a bit, mostly academics mind you, which is why I didn't read about myself, maybe, what would be your favorite subject?"

"Herbology, I tend to the greenhouses at home" he said, a genuine smile on his face, I smiled, there was hope for Neville.

"That sounds great, my aunt has a rose bush at her house, but since she hates me and magic I didn't really get to tend to it" I said and Neville looked at me a frown on his face.

"Your aunt?" He asked; I nodded.

"Terrible people, they're muggles and totally hate me and magic and mom, not in that order mind you, but not all muggles are horrible, my teachers at primary school were nice, but my relatives, worst people ever, you know probably up to par with that Dork Lord of yours" I said and Neville blinked again.

"You know it's actually dark-"

"Dark, I know, I'm not slow or anything, but I refuse to call someone that couldn't kill a baby a Dark Lord, I mean do you know how easy is to kill a small child? Suffocation, strangling, throwing them out of a window, is not like they can fight back" I said, Neville looked concerned now, "But hey, I should be glad that he's incompetent"

"Yeah" he muttered, I grinned.

When the trolley lady passed by, I indulged in a childish splurge and bought a bit of everything that sounded appealing, I stopped Trevor the toad from leaping out of the compartment by placing it in a body bind. Neville and I continued talking as the train began moving. Turns out, Neville was actually a sweet child that probably needed to be protected.

"Excuse me, can I sit here?" Asked someone from the door, Neville and I looked up and I smiled when I saw bushy hair and big teeth.

"Of course you can, I'm Haley, this is Neville, you are?" I asked, the girl smiled and stepped into the compartment closing the door behind her.

"Hermione Granger" she said, Neville and I smiled.

"Well Hermione Granger, could we maybe interest you in trying a cauldron cake, or maybe you'd like to try your luck with a Bertie Bott's Every Flavour bean?" I asked offering Hermione the bean box, she took it warily and I grinned "They do say every flavour" I warned.

Hermione took a yellowish looking bean and made a face when she bit into it, Neville and I laughed "Earwax" she said looking nauseated, I handed her a chocolate frog later.

"Those are really good, just be careful 'cause they can jump quite high" I warned her before she opened it, she did so and the frog leaped as the box was open startling Hermione and sending me and Neville into a fit of giggles, maybe being Haley Potter was not that bad.

The rest of the trip was spent with me trying to subtly brainwash Hermione Granger, she was a nice girl, yes but her thing of regarding whatever books said as the gospel truth was annoying, so I started working on her too.

Another surprise was seeing Draco Malfoy, a cute blond kid as opposed to Neville who was a chubby cute cherry blond kid. Draco Malfoy strode into the compartment as if he owned the place and regarded my peers and me.

"I heard that Haley Potter's on the train" he said and Neville and Hermione exchanged glances, I smirked.

"Was I supposed to be somewhere else, my good sir?" I asked and I saw surprise flickering trough Draco's eyes.

"You're Haley?" He asked; I nodded.

"And who might you be? I mean you already seem to know so much about me, maybe Neville and Hermione here will help me destroy any preconceived notions you might have about me, Mr?"

"Malfoy, Draco Malfoy" he said offering his hand, I shook it and smile.

"Well Mr. Bond, is a pleasure to meet cha, please do enjoy a chocolate frog or perhaps a cauldron cake, we have banned Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans but you are invited to try"

"If he's Mr. Bond, who are we?" Asked Hermione, and I had to laugh, trust Hermione Granger to have known the Bond novels or movies.

"Well you could be Q, and I'm obviously M and Neville could be designated as Moneypenny" I said, Hermione frowned.

"Neville as Moneypenny?" She asked; I shrugged.

"You have a better idea?" I asked as Draco cleared his throat looking confused.

"Ah, yes Draco, can I call you Draco? I'll call you Draco" I said before he could answer, I handed him a chocolate frog and smiled "You are of course welcome to stay if you'd like, I have a no discrimination policy, much like Switzerland, Hermione and I were discussing with Neville the common courtesies of the wizarding world as Hermione and I are little bit behind since her parents are non-magical subjects of the Queen and my relatives are non-magical spawns of purgatory"

"So she's a mud-"

"Mundane born, yes, although I don't really like that term, I think much more accurately she should be recognized as a First Generation Pureblood or First Gen, cause we magicals surely had to come from somewhere unless God decided to pop Adam _and_ Steve and their reproduction methods were a bit wonky, ya' know," I gestured with my hands, "and here we are" I said, Draco again looked confused and was looking warily at Hermione.

"First Generation?" He asked; I nodded.

The next part of our trip involved a very detailed political conversation on muggles and muggleborns and wizards in which I debunked every idea that Lucius Malfoy had ingrained in Draco's head, hey the kid had two useful neurons, better use them before they too decayed. We also discussed the sorting.

"I can't go to Slytherin" I said and Draco made a face.

"Why ever not?" He asked.

"Because everyone will think I'm a dark witch or the dark lord reborn and I can't have that, unwanted parties might become interested" I explained and Draco seemed to think about it.

"That's clever" said Neville and I smiled at him, so much progress in so little time.

"Of course it is, I'm Haley Freaking Potter, if I go to Gryffindor everyone will think I'm a goody two shoes, no one will see me coming, Slytherin will alienate me from the Wizarding world" I explained, Neville and Hermione exchanged glanced.

"So Gryffindor?" Hermione asked; I nodded.

"I can't go to Gryffindor" squeaked Draco, I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Try for Ravenclaw then, at best it puts you in a neutral well respected house" I said and he seemed to think about it. "I mean the houses descriptions says that Ravenclaws are intelligent and witty, right, use your cunning to feed your intelligence and your ambition to power your wit, no one will look down upon you for being a Ravenclaw as they are the closest thing to a Slytherin" I explained and Draco nodded.

"You are right" he said and I grinned, ten points to Haley.

* * *

When we arrived to Hogwarts, the four of us shared a boat and I kept thinking of other students I could use to further my plans, Susan Bones was a must have as her aunt was the head of the DMLE and with her came the Hufflepuff house, with Draco in Ravenclaw we had three houses out of four, although I was sure I could rope neutral Slytherins to my cause, Blaise Zabini and Daphne Greengrass were always a good choice in most fanfictions and I couldn't see how my life would be different, hell I had the nagging feeling that this was already a bad written fanfic, if that was the case the readers were probably bored of my endless rambling.

When we got to the Entrance Hall I was already talking to Susan Bones, she seemed like a nice girl and her friend Hannah was easily included in our conversations, McGonagall ushered us inside the great hall so we could be sorted. I smiled as I predicted the sorting in my head being mindful of not looking into Dumbledore's, Snape's or Quirrelmort's eyes, while I had found books on occlumency and was practicing my shields I didn't want to test them just yet.

When Malfoy, Draco was sorted into Ravenclaw instead of Slytherin, I had to hide a smile; it looks like the Malfoy heir was really using those neurons.

"Potter, Haley" said McGonagall and the murmurs started immediately, I walked to the chair minding my steps and smiled at McGonagall as she placed the hat on my head.

Gryffindor, Gryffindor, Gryffindor, I keep repeating inside my head over and over.

"GRYFFINDOR" it screamed and I went and joined Neville and Hermione at the table.

Dean and Ron were the last to join our table and Zabini was the last to join the snakes, I glanced at the Ravenclaw table and saw Draco talking to Terry Boot and some kid named Kevin. I smiled, if everything went according to plan the Hogwarts students of 1991 were going to be all united under the Haley Potter banner.

After a hefty, delicious dinner we followed our prefects to the tower, me walking between Neville and Hermione talking about the stairs and the paintings, I had just enrolled myself in seven years of cardio, no wonder how Neville became somewhat of a hottie during the last film. I also talked to Parvati and Lavender and the cardboard cutout, I mean other student, Fay Dunbar, they were nice enough and I was going to enforce girl unity and girl power at Hogwarts.

The rooms were nice enough and I claimed the bed further away from the window as I wasn't about to be awaken by sunlight, I somewhat forced conversation and I was sure that by the end of the night the first year Gryffindor girls were all friends, and I could only hope Neville was doing okay with the boys.

* * *

September the 2nd, as my luck was, ended up being a Monday. My first morning in the castle was spent grumbling about the earliness of the day, I was pretty sure Hermione had a fond yet exasperated look on her face as we girls made our way to the great hall. During our trek we found the Ravenclaw boys led by Draco and we finished the journey together. We bid them goodbye and went to sit with Neville who was already at the table talking to Dean, while Ron and Seamus were stuffing their faces.

We sat with them and carried on with our conversation, Neville and Dean shifting their attention to us, and joining in.

"So what do you think is in the third floor corridor?" Asked Ron, mouth full, Hermione scrunched her face, as did the other girls.

"A certain death if you go there" I deadpanned, Ron swallowed and looked at me confused.

"But you're Haley Potter, the-girl-who-lived, you're supposed to investigates mysteries and such" he said and I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, no, I actually like the fact that I'm alive which is probably why I'm not called the-girl-who-lived to die in her first year at Hogwarts cause she decided to do something stupid" I argued, Dean smiled while Neville and Hermione grinned, they probably thought I was an odd kid, "Besides when would I have time to investigate mysteries? You do know that whatever offed the dork lord was probably something my parents did, right?"

"But the stories?" Asked Ron and I suddenly felt the urge to send Molly Weasley a very colourful howler explaining why you just didn't read awful children stories to your kid.

"Are just stories" I said refraining myself from glaring at him, "I was probably soiling my diaper or eating my boogies like any other toddler, so please don't"

The rest of our breakfast was spent in between amiable conversation; I was smiling slightly because I had probably crushed some kid's childhood, ah the lovely smell of fresh tears in the morning, food to my soul. Then, after breakfast our prefect Sage Kelleen led us to the transfiguration classroom our first class of the day, after leading us into the classroom she promised that she would pick us up for the next class.

I saw the tabby cat perched on the desk and tilted my head to the side, but kept talking to Neville as if dismissing the cat, McGonagall had just reminded me of the rat and I frowned, if I wanted Sirius to be free I needed the rat and Amelia Bones.

McGonagall turned into herself as the last students walked in, a couple of Hufflepuffs being led by an older student and I smiled as I realized that all the Gryffindors were accounted for, yeah my little cubs accounted for, little kids I would protect from Voldemort and Dumbledore if needed be. I smirked as McGonagall introduced class and our lessons and actually managed to turn my matchstick into a needle in the first try.

"Very well Miss Potter" said McGonagall as she examined my work, "Would you care to explain your method to the class?" She asked and I nodded, she motioned for me to stand in front of the classroom.

"Well, at first I thought that it would be impossible to do so, cause a matchstick is made out of wood whereas a needle is metal, then I remembered that I have magic, which led me to my next realization, if I could picture the needle in my head I could probably turn the matchstick, so I pointed my wand at the stick and rather than focusing in the incantation I focused on what I wanted the magic to do and it worked" I explained somewhat attempting to dumb down my real method, McGonagall looked proud of me.

"Five points to Gryffindor, Miss Potter for application of magical theory in transfiguration" she said and I beamed at her.

By the time the class was over I had promised the young cubs and young badgers that I would teach them if they wanted in our free period, and so our study group began taking form. Miss Sage, picked us up from transfiguration and led us to the dungeons.

I sat next to Neville while Hermione sat with Dean, we were talking animatedly when Snape strolled into the class room, black cloak billowing behind him. He started passing attendance until he stopped at my name.

"Ah, yes, Haley Potter, our new celebrity" he said moving in front of his desk to look at me, I looked up at him trying to look non-threatening and keeping in my head the chorus of the song Enter Sandman on repeat.

"Yes, sir?" I asked trying to sound as innocent as possible, Snape sneered.

"What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?" He asked and I could hear a few Slytherins snickering.

"That would be the draught of the living death sir" I answered, Snape seemed surprised.

"And where, miss Potter, would you find me a bezoar?" He asked, I stopped to make it as if I was thinking about it.

"The stomach of a goat, or one of your cabinets ought to have one" I said as softly as I could, he nodded.

"And what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

"None sir, is the same plant although it is also known as aconite" I said, _take that asshole_ ; now he seemed really stunned but covered it with a sneer.

"Well there is some hope for you yet Potter" he said, then glared "Why are none of you copying this down?" He asked and there was a flutter of movement as the students began copying.

Then he copied the ingredients to our potion, the cure for boils and told us to begin working. I immediately put Neville to work into reading the instructions. By the end of the class, even with Snape hovering over Neville and me we managed not to burn our cauldron but to obtain the desired colour. After our two hours of potions we went to the great hall for lunch.

"How did you know the answers?" Asked Ron, I raised an eyebrow.

"Well there are this fantastic things called books and I have this wondrous ability that allows me to read" I said sarcastically and Hermione nudged me in the stomach, "Besides, I'm pretty sure that Hermione knew too"

"Yeah but she's a bookworm" he said and I scoffed.

"You've known her for two days Ron, isn't it a bit early to be making accusations?" I asked and he reddened; good.

* * *

It was finally Friday, and we were having lunch after having double potions with Snape, the mail arrived, Neville as predicted got his remembrall and looked quite confused when it turned red, that's when I realized that he wasn't wearing robes and smiled as I told the poor child his mistake. He smiled at me and pocketed the remembrall. After lunch we were led to the courtyard, as we were to receive our first flying lesson along with the Slytherins.

We were standing next to the old brooms of the school; Neville and Hermione were tense while first year Theodore Nott, apparent leader of the Slytherin first years was boasting, I almost wanted to groan at the cliché. Then it happened as expected, Neville's broom was defective, he shot into the air and fell, Hootch took him to the infirmary, Nott discovered the remembrall, took it and I stepped in before Ron broke his nose or something.

Of course apparently flying was a Potter trait because it felt just 'right' to be up in the air, and it felt even better to dive after the goddamned thing, almost as if I was suddenly being possessed by a third party and I briefly wondered if Haley Potter's soul was inside of me. Of course McGonagall had to see me and took me to Oliver Wood. And probably it was the hormones or the mistaken eleven-year-old emotions mixed with my twenty-four or thirty-four (it was confusing dammit) year old ones, but had he and I been older, I would have tapped that.

So there was I, Haley James Potter, oh yes my middle name was James... But anyways, Haley James Potter, the new seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the joy. I was probably going to end up killed before this year finished. That night at dinner I sat with the cubs inviting Susan and Hannah over to our table and Draco dragging Terry Boot and Michael Corner along with him. I told them about what had happened in our flying lessons; Draco seemed troubled.

"Nott just showed that he's an idiot" I said.

"Yeah, but he's the head of the Slytherin first years" said Draco, I sighed and for once wondered if I had fucked up while sending Draco to Ravenclaw, then brushed off the thought, the kid was flourishing in his own way.

"And it won't help him, look at us, Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs enjoying dinner together, I'm sure that with enough prompting Blaise, Daphne and Tracy will join us and we'll crush him, so pay him no mind, he and his racist ideas are inconsequential to the betterment of our world" I said and Draco nodded, I grinned at them and we continued talking quidditch. That until Nott decided to stroll to our table.

"Having your last dinner Potter?" He asked, a smirk on his face, I rolled my eyes.

"As matter of fact I'm not, Theodore, do you need something?" I asked politely, throwing the kid off.

"You'll see Potter" he spluttered off and left, Crabble and Goyle running off after him, I raised an eyebrow and turned to my kids.

"So where were we?" I asked putting a smile on my face.

"You handed that well" said Susan, Hanna nodded.

"Well, I've discovered that if I answer to the baiting it usually leads to something stupid, I'm not about to get in trouble because of some snot nosed brat" I explained and the kids laughed.

Next morning after breakfast Oliver retrieved me and took me to the Quidditch pitch to explain the basics of the game to me; I had also received the Nimbus 2000 at breakfast, which had been nice, now I didn't need to buy a broom. So Oliver droned about Quidditch and what if took to be a seeker, with me occasionally smiling and nodding, he was really cute, fucking misplaced hormones.

* * *

Life went on, and Hogwarts wasn't that bad, now trying to herd a group of curious children away from danger was difficult. My little group had grown now including all the Ravenclaw boys and two of the girls, Lisa Turpin and Padma Patil, I knew that the others would join soon. The Hufflepuffs had all joined our group in good faith and now in our free periods we all sat on the courtyard or near the lake practicing our spells and reviewing our classes. On the Slytherin front, Blaise, Daphne, Tracey and a shy Millicent had joined us, while Pansy, Theodore, Vincent and Gregory became the antagonistic movement, not that I could care less about them, I was not their mother nor their handler and I had better things to worry about.

I knew that Dumbledore was always observing me with interest, and I rarely met his eyes, not as I was a beginner in the mind arts and had no plans of actually testing what I had learned. I also figured that I needed to try and release Sirius before this year ended as there was no way that I was going to stay with the Dursleys. I knew that the Rat was going nowhere which is why I had decided to further my plans on Christmas, as naturally I was going to be staying at Hogwarts along with the Weasleys.

I had taken my time and visited Hagrid, taking Hermione, Neville, Ron and Draco with me. He had offered us tea and rock hard cookies that we hid politely and I smiled as he told me stories of James and Lily Potter, never mind that he was to be soon enough the owner of a dragon egg, or that said egg would hatch and probably burn the whole place down if left unsupervised, no sir.

Halloween came with much fanfare and I spent all day on edge counting the children, there was no way I was going to battle a Troll, so I kept Hermione close to me and as far as possible from Ron during charms. During our afternoon I wondered if I could save myself some grief and just stun Quirrellmort and drop him in the bottom of the lake, he was not doing me any favors and would try to kill me, I sighed as I helped Hannah Abbott with her transfiguration, I would probably think of something, preferably harmful enough, I was nothing if not creative.

At the feast my group was accounted for, all in our tables enjoying the feast, I wanted to be offended but I couldn't possibly blame the entire school for celebrating on the anniversary of James and Lily's death. I pushed the food around in my plate not really paying attention to the feast, when Quirrell ran in.

"Troll in the dungeon!" He screamed before fainting, I sighed as everyone started to panic.

"SILENCEE!" Shouted Dumbledore standing from his chair, everyone stopped screaming and he continued, "Everyone will please not panic. Now prefects will lead their houses back to the dormitories. Teachers will follow me to the dungeons" he said and I wanted to slam my head on the table.

"That's a wonderful idea to get us all killed" I said, and apparently a little too loud.

"Why is it so Miss Potter?" Dumbledore asked and I stood addressing the entire hall.

"Well firstly if you start moving all the houses without actually knowing where the troll is, you get us in harm's way, cause two out of four houses actually have their dormitories in the dungeons or near by, we all are safe here, deal with the troll, then we move" I reasoned, looking like a petulant child, arms crossed and in all my four feet nine glory.

"It seems that Miss Potter is right," Dumbledore said after a minute, "teachers follow me to the dungeons, Prefects keep everyone in here" he said before he and the teachers, Quirrell included, exited the great hall.

Everyone stayed at their tables, in hushed conversations, although I could feel several gazes on me, I sighed and sat down trying to blend between Hermione and Neville. Everything seemed calm until a roar was heard outside of the doors.

"For the love of god" I muttered before standing, glaring at Hermione and Neville so they stayed on their chairs, I walked up to Percy Weasley who was the prefect nearest to the door and pulled him back just as the Troll hit the doors.

I was too old for this shit, but I was probably the only responsible 'adult' so I had to do something, "Try to keep everyone to the back" I ordered Percy and he looked at me as if I was crazy but nodded ushering the Gryffindors to the back of the room, thankfully the other Prefects followed the example.

The troll smelled horrible, that was a given and he was tearing down the doors, fast, another hit, no doors, fuck.

"HEY FUGLY" I screamed gaining his attention and cursing the Potter-Hero-ComplexTM. I whipped out my wand and tried to remember something useful, okay so, I needed something useful, well If Umbridge had destroyed a rock hard wall with a spell then troll skin was surely vulnerable too, with that in mind I pointed at the troll "BOMBARDA MAXIMA!" I screamed, thankfully the spell left my wand and missed, the troll, hitting and destroying its cub instead, it looked angry.

"Nice kitty?" I asked before it roared again and lunged towards me.

"Sonovabitch!" I screamed as I jumped out of the way, so battling trolls was hard, I moved quickly and pointed my wand at his head "Bombarda maxima!" I tried once more, and miss, okay so the thing had one hand less and, there it is, pissed the fuck off, "FUCKING DIE ALREADY YOU DUMB FUCK" I screamed as I ran out of its way again, it was like playing a bad video game.

I stopped and turned, I needed to hit its head, and where the fuck was Dumbledore already? I was panting hard and near the now empty Slytherin table, I of course had a terrible idea, I got on the table and called the thing again "Come at me fugly!" I shouted and the thing roared again, preparing to charge, I held my wand determined, waiting, the thing charged and I waited, and waited... A little more "Bombarda maxima!" Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, straight to the head!

... Ew... So probably I needed to think my actions better, because being covered in troll remains was disgusting, but the thing was dead and I was not, so I counted that as a personal win, I looked back at the student body that was hidden behind the high table, and they were staring, so I stared back.

"WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE?" Shit... McGongall, I turned slowly trying to look as innocent as possible, probably ruined by my current troll covered state.

"The troll attacked us while you were strolling down the dungeons?" I offered, she finally noticed me, standing on the Slytherin table covered by the remains of the troll.

"Miss Potter" she said sternly "Would you like to explain why you are standing on a table?" She asked; I shook my head.

"I'd rather not, I might need a psychologist after this" I said and I swear I heard a couple laughs and as the adrenaline receded it could feel logic dawning on me, I was covered by the troll's brain matter and who knows what else... I was going to be sick.

"Miss Potter!" I heard McGonagall's frantic voice before darkness took me.

* * *

The whiteness of the hospital wing was stressing me out, how people could deal with it was beyond me. Madame Pomfrey was a force to be reckoned with and had refused to let me leave once I had awaken after the troll fiasco, so I ended up staying the night in, not counting that my first ever quidditch match was in a few hours or that just the thought of it made me nauseous.

My savior came in the form of professor McGonagall, she was quick to have me dispatched and sent me on my way to get my gear for the game, it made me wonder if she was more concerned about the cup rather than my health, but I brushed it off, now what I was not expecting was the round of applause that resounded in the great hall once I walked in, even the Slytherins were clapping. I tried my best to ignore it and sat in between Fred and George Weasley.

"Everyone's been talking about you Haley" said Fred, I forced a smile on my face, and George nudge me with his elbow,

"Yeah, even Warrington was praising your work with the troll" continued George; I sighed.

"No one will let go, will they?" I asked,

"I don't"

"Think so"

I groaned and let my head fall on the table, both twins snickered.

"Look at the positive side"

"Now everyone knows better than to mess"

"With Haley Potter"

"Girl who lived"

"And troll slayer extraordinaire" they finished in chorus, I groaned again and looked up, an eyebrow raised.

"There is absolutely no way that you two didn't practice that" I said accusingly and they grinned again.

"Good morning Hogwarts" started Dumbledore and I wanted to disappear, this was not canon, "Up to this point I have heard many stories of what happened last night with the troll, but in all stories a fact seems to remain and that is the bravery displayed by Miss Potter when faced with the troll, and for that I wish to personally award fifty points to Gryffindor for services to the school" he announced and the Gryffindor table erupted in cheers.

After breakfast I made myself scarce until the game, hiding in the owlery with Hedwig. I needed to be alert as Quirrellmort was probably pissed about the troll and would try to retaliate, I knew that he would try to hex my broom and I was counting on Hermione to stop him before I was killed.

"Ah, there you are Haley! Excited?" Asked Oliver as I joined the team, I smiled at him.

"More like nervous" I said, he laughed.

"I felt the same at my first game, took a bludger to the head and woke up a week later in the hospital wing" he said, and I looked at him skeptically.

"That doesn't reassure me, like at all" I said drily and he laughed again and ruffled my hair.

"But you're Haley Potter, you saved us last night from the troll, really impressive" he said and I waved him off.

"I was really scared" I said and he looked down at me.

"But you were brave enough, so if last night is anything to go by you'll do good today" he said before ruffling my hair again and turning to the team, I sighed.

Alicia, Katie and Angelina tried their best to reassure me that it would be fine, however I was not so sure. We walked into the pitch, Oliver and I, followed by Fred and George and then the girls following, I was gripping my broom tightly my mind running all the probabilities, I was not Harry Potter, I couldn't just Shazam and win this shit, _but you're Haley Potter and you were Alexandra Noir, Miss Everything Boys Can Do I Can Do It Wearing Heels,_ the small voice in the back of my head was right, I was after all Alexandra Noir or had been. With that newfound determination I held my head high as we continued our walk.

Marcus Flint and Oliver shook hands while glaring at each other and they started taking off, I got on my broom and kicked momentarily thrown off by the speed of the nimbus, I regained my balance soon enough and followed our exhibition round around the pitch. Once in the air I started looking around, a thing about me being Haley Potter was that I didn't need the glasses and my view was quite good, maybe a side effect of actively using magic at a young age. Whatever it was, I was glad.

The game started suddenly and I started doing normal rounds listening to Lee's colorful commentary and keeping my eyes on the field, I cared little for what was going on, I wanted to catch the thing and go home. I heard that Angelina scored our first ten points and smiled, and then I saw it, the golden fuckery near a Hufflepuff post, I hurried my broom only to notice that the Slytherin seeker was on my tail. The bitch... I tried to swerve only to be blocked by Flint almost colliding with the asshole. Madame Hootch called foul and awarded Angelina a penalty. The golden fuckery had banished again and I had to sigh.

Perhaps if my body had been older I would have tried something with the Slytherin kid but as I was at the moment I'd only get weird stares, being a kid again sucked. While doing another round looking for the thing my broom started shaking.

"Fuck" I muttered as I held on for dear life as the broom shook, I looked to the stands trying to find Hermione, she was my only chance at survival, with a forceful jerk forward my broom finally stopped shaking and I saw smoke coming out of the teachers' stand, I grinned before I saw the golden thing again. Filled with determination I decided to end the game, I flattened myself against the broom willing it to go faster, wind in my hair and adrenaline pumping through my veins I could really see the appeal of the game, my smile grew as my fingers grasped the bothersome snitch and I let out a squeal of excitement when my hand closed around the thing. _Take that Quirrelmort!_

The stands erupted in cheers and I raised the snitch over my head so everyone could see, the team, and their happiness almost palpable, quickly surrounded me. We descended to the ground and the twins promptly hoisted me up. The golden snitch still in my hand.

"That was fantastic Haley!" Said Oliver, once we were back in the changing room; I smirked.

"Of course it was, I'm Haley Freaking Potter" I said and the entire team laughed, I of course winked at him before following the girls to our side of the changing room.

The party that followed the game was glorious; I made sure to include Hermione and Neville into the celebrations since Ron, Dean and Seamus seemed to be enjoying themselves without my help. That same afternoon I decided to visit Hagrid along with Neville and Hermione, he congratulated me on my win and Hermione told me that Snape had been cursing my broom, I waved her off quickly assuring her that Snape was most likely saving me, she took my answer skeptically but trusted me.

* * *

As Christmas approached I decided to stay at Hogwarts during the break although Neville and Draco had invited me to their homes. I politely declined their invites promising that we would get together in the summer. Draco Malfoy seemed to be flourishing in Ravenclaw, while Neville was shaping up to be a decent Gryffindor, perhaps once he got a wand that was not opposed to him he would do better. Since I was to be staying during the break I started getting closer to the Weasley twins as they proved to be a source of infinite amusement and wit.

With the kids none the wiser about what was in the third floor corridor I felt confident enough that they would be safe. The philosopher stone was, at this time of the year, still with Dumbledore and I could do nothing about it, but there was something I could do...

... The day before the holidays I approached Susan and asked if I could have her Aunt's address so I could write the woman a letter, Susan was happy to help and I told her to keep it quiet as I was inquiring about my family for the holidays and didn't want people to feel sorry for me.

 _Mme. Bones,_

 _I hope this letters reaches you in good health, my name is Haley Potter and on the first of September I joined the Wizarding World. When I was a child my aunt told me that my parents had been killed in a muggle car accident and she rarely spoke of them, as she dislikes magic. It was a surprise for me that everyone seemed to know who I was, so I started researching and found out that I was some sort of celebrity, which I still find weird because, if the stories are true then my parents surely have something to do with my continued survival._

 _Another thing that I found odd while investigating was the fact that I was supposed to have a Godfather, you see, nobody ever likes to mention his name although I heard that it was Sirius Black, so of course I had to read about him, rumor has it that he betrayed my parents to the Dark Lord Voldyshorts, but according to the stories of their youth, I doubt he did such thing, which is why I started looking for the transcripts of his trial, funny thing was that I couldn't find any... I mean I found those of some man named Bartemious Crouch and a woman Bellatrix Lestrange, but not of Sirius... Susan tells me that you are the head of the DMLE and I suppose that you could help me retrieve Sirius' trial transcripts if only for me to clear my doubts about what truly happened to my parents._

 _I will wait for your reply patiently as I know you must be a really busy woman, Merry Christmas or Yuletide Mme. Bones,_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Haley Potter._

"Wait for a reply girl"

I felt giddy while I tied the letter to Hedwig's leg, I fed her some bacon and saw as she flew away, a smile on my face. That night I returned to the common room feeling satisfied and felt even better when I spotted certain rat near the fireplace dozing off. With a quick stupefy, I grabbed the rat and headed out to the kitchens to look for a house elf, if there was anyone strong enough to transfigure a cage that held Pettigrew it was one of those buggers.

Of course they were all happy to help and offer me some hot chocolate in the meantime, Toffy, the elf that helped me, assured me that the cage would hold all magical transformations since it was reinforced with elven magic, after enjoying the cup of hot chocolate I returned to the room, of course promising the elves that I would be back. I placed the rat under my bed the cage covered by one of my old shirts, one less asshole to worry about. Now if only I could find a way to tip Amelia about Barty Crouch Jr.

Since I was the only first year girl staying at the dorms I took my time to wake up and shower, although I noticed the presents by the foot of my bed. I got a flute from Hagrid, an useless coin from the Dursleys, chocolate frogs from Hermione, a book on Wizarding Customs and sweets from Draco, a dark green winter coat from Neville and a Weasley jumper done in emerald green with a golden H, and of course the invisibility cloak, I eyed the parcel suspiciously, as many fics spoke of enchanted parcels and tracking spells although I briefly wondered if a deathly hallow could be traced. I managed to open the parcel without touching the paper and took the silvery cloak in my hand... Wicked thing it was, I saw the note fall to the floor and decided to burn it instead of touching it, it was not paranoia if you were being raised like a pig for slaughter.

I decided to put on my Weasley jumper and a pair of thick wool leggings with boots for Christmas day, when I got out of the dorm into the common room the Weasleys were already there with their jumpers, Fred and George trying to get Percy in his, Ron was the first to notice me, and he smiled.

"Haley you got a jumper!" He said and I nodded, a smile on my face.

"I'll have to write your mum a thank you letter, this is the most comfiest jumper that I've ever owned" I said sitting next to him.

"Haley!-"

"Our girl"

"Our hero"

"Our star seeker"

"Haley"

"Freaking"

"Potter" the twins chorused, I grinned at them.

"Merry Christmas Gred, Forge" I said and they blinked twice before laughing.

"Merry Christmas Haley" they chorused, I then looked at the eldest Weasley available.

"Merry Christmas Percy" I said, he looked at me confused as if not expecting it, but smiled.

"Merry Christmas Haley"

We went to breakfast together and sat at the only table in the great hall, as the other tables had been banished. There were a few other students but I mostly remained with the Weasley clan, after breakfast we went outside for a snowball battle that ended up with the twins being suspended for hitting Quirrelmort's turban, for lunch I sat next to Hagrid who spent the better part of it telling me stories about James and Lily. All in all it was a very good Christmas day.

The day after Christmas I received word from Amelia Bones who promised to look closely into Sirius' situation, as she couldn't find any transcripts belonging to his trial, I of course wrote back proposing a meeting hopefully before New Year's.

* * *

On December 29th, Professor McGonagall escorted me to Bones Manor, all under the guise of meeting with Suzy B. The longer I kept Dumbledore in the dark better, and perhaps I could even find an ally in Amelia, I always did like no-nonsense people and Amelia Bones seemed like a formidable woman.

"Miss Potter, I will assume that your accommodations are to your likings" Amelia said as I followed her into her study.

"Of course Madame Bones" I answered politely and took a seat, Amelia sat behind her desk, an imposing vision and smiled kindly at me.

"I have to admit that you surprised me with your first letter, and Susan has also surprised me when she proposed inviting you for New Years as to not raise suspicion, I'd like to know suspicion from who as I doubt someone would be after an eleven year old Miss Potter" Amelia said and I could have grinned, this woman was everything I dreamt about and possibly more.

"Susan is a lovely friend Madame Bones, and the reason is that I don't really trust our esteemed headmaster, I have the inkling that he has been interfering in my life and not in a good way" I said seriously, Amelia raised an eyebrow but remained silent "Let me tell you a story about the cupboard under the stairs in number four privet drive, surrey..."

And so I told her about the Dursleys, about my first Hogwarts letters and my early discovery of magic, about how I managed to placate the muggles, if barely and how I had an inkling that the nice Mrs. Figg was 'wrong' as were her cats, I told her of me being a prodigy in school and how I started piecing things together once I arrived at Hogwarts.

"And how did you come to the conclusion that it's somehow Dumbledore's fault?" She asked and I sighed.

"Hagrid is a good soul, but he tends to run his mouth when he doesn't mean to, he told me that he carried me from Godric's Hallow to Surrey the night of my parents death, to where Dumbledore was waiting, Sirius lent Hagrid his flying motorcycle, at first I thought it was odd that the world knew about my scar you see, I was alone with my parents when they died, no one had to know that I survived the curse but the story grew from somewhere... I don't like not knowing things Madame Bones" I said almost petulantly, Amelia nodded, as she seemed to consider my words. "I also couldn't find my parents wills, a Goblin told me that they'd been sealed and who has the power to do that if not the chief warlock and supreme thing of the ICW?"

"Miss Potter you do know that if you're right then many things will happen, not all good" she said, I nodded.

"I don't want to return to the Dursleys, ever, so I'll take it, come hell or high water" I said, Amelia nodded and looked at me.

"Is there anything else Miss Potter?" She asked; I nodded.

"I have a rat in my trunk, but I do not believe is simply a rat, my friend Ron said the rat has been in his family for nearly ten years, rats rarely live that long and I was observing it closely, its behavior is off, I think I might be in possession of an animagus" I said carefully, Amelia sighed and nodded before standing.

"Lets go see this rat of yours" she said before leading me out of the study.

I felt vindictive pleasure when Pettigrew was led out of Amelia's Manor in magic repressing cuffs that inhibited his transformation. Suzy had stayed with me while Amelia went and raged at Crouch at the ministry, Sirius was going to be free, soon enough Grimmauld Place would be open and I was going to have access to Kreacher and the Horcrux.

By January 2nd, Sirius was already out and on his way to St. Mungos, and Suzy and I were on our way to Hogwarts, not before I tipped Amelia Bones into finding Barty Crouch Jr.

 _If he could imprison people without a trial, what other despicable things has he done? I'd search his house for evidence._

On the fifth of January they found Barty Crouch Jr. Hiding under an invisibility cloak, the Crouch elf, Winky had been devastated.

But soon enough my mind was again distracted by Quidditch, our second match was against Hufflepuff and Snape would be the referee. To say that it had been the shortest match in history would have been understating the truth. Cedric had been the seeker, pretty boy Diggory, a third year, but I didn't let my hormones get the best of me, sometimes it was hard to know if I was eleven or whichever age I was or had been. But the match had ended in less than five minutes in our favor. There was no need to give Snape the satisfaction of fucking with the Gryffindor quidditch team.

"Cedric!" I screamed running after the Hufflepuff, he stopped and turned a confused frown on his face, "Hi, sorry for being rude, I'm Haley"

"Yeah, I noticed" he said a smile on his face, I grinned at him.

"I just wanted to apologize for ending the game so abruptly, Snape's a horrible referee and I wanted my team out of the field before he started being an asshole, so anyways what I'm trying to say is that I look forward to our rematch Diggory" I said and he laughed.

"You're a weird one Potter" he said and I nodded.

"Keeps everyone on their toes though, well anyways, see you around Diggory" I said before leaving, that boy was not going to die, not if I had a say about it.

* * *

A couple of days after the match I remembered Hagrid's dragon problem and groaned before taking Neville, Hermione, Ron, Draco and Suzy with me to Hagrid's hut. We stayed until Ron pointed out the heat in Hagrid's hut and he explained the egg to us, he promised that it would hatch within the week and told us that we could visit. Two nights later and Daphne Grengrass in tow while Blaise kept Nott from interfering we saw the dragon hatching.

Of course I was the one standing closest to the blasted thing and it took me as its mommy instead of Hagrid, who instead of being sad congratulated me. Haley Potter: Mother of Dragons, sounded like a bad parody. But I sighed and cradled the small reptilian scratching its head.

"Is it purring?" Asked Hermione from a safe distance, I shrugged.

"We need to do something about it" said Draco, our voice of reason.

"My brother works in Romania at a dragon reserve, I could write to him" Ron offered.

"Please do, tell him to come as soon as he is able, we won't be able to keep her a secret for long" I said.

"How do you know it's a girl?" Asked Neville, I looked at him.

"She seems like a girl" I said.

"What will you name her Haley?" Asked Suzy, I grinned and looked at the dark green little beast in my hands.

"Lily" I said before looking up "Lily the dragon"

"Sounds lovely" added Daphne with a smile.

That night we left in pairs, me carrying the overly attached beast and Ron and Neville carrying the brandy that we were supposed to feed her. We made it to the common room untroubled and I prompted Ron to write the letter sending it off with Hedwig.

Five nights later and a slightly bigger and still overly attached dragon we waited for Charlie Weasley at the top of the astronomy tower near midnight. Of course Blaise, Draco, Suzy, Hannah, Daphne, Terry, Ron, Neville and Hermione were there with me and I feared that we were going to get in so much trouble if we were caught.

True to his word Charlie came, and holy fuck, the guy was gorgeous. Like I could be a model instead of dragon handler gorgeous, or more like sign me up for dragon caring in a few years if this guy was there gorgeous cause I so wanted a piece of that, someday.

"Ronnie!" He greeted his brother, ruffling Ron's hair, "Now where is this dragon that you wrote about?" He asked.

"The dragon doesn't like to leave Haley's side" offered Neville and Charlie laughed.

"Right and who of these ladies might be Haley?" He asked, I raised a hand carefully balancing the cat-sized dragon in the other.

"Hi" I said or most likely squealed, Charlie grinned at me a perfect smile and holy shit I think I was in love, "Haley Potter, mother of dragons at your service" I said cheekily.

"I can see that" he said as I handed Lily to him, his face lit up as he cradled Lily gently.

"Take care of my girl" I said scratching the dragon's head, the beast had grown on me.

"Of course" he said softly, almost cooing at the dragon.

"Her name's Lily" I said and he looked at me, pretty blue eyes fixed on mine.

"That is a really good name" he said and I smiled.

"May I visit her in the future?" I asked and he grinned.

"Sure, just write a letter in advance and I'll have her ready" he said, then he looked at his friends, then back at us "Stay safe" he said before jumping into his broom and there ended my love story with one Charles Weasley, he liked dragons better anyways; I turned to look at the kids and smiled.

"Lets make it to our houses before we get in trouble"

* * *

The next month happened without much ado, I hadn't gone off to search for the mirror of Erised during Christmas so Dumbledore hadn't spoken to me about it, actually I hadn't spoken to Dumbledore during the year, but I knew that I needed to get to the stone before Voldemort.

So two nights before the night I thought Quirrel would make it to the stone, I kidnapped Ron, I needed a chess player, and went to get the stone. Thanks to the invisibility cloak I made my way easily to the third floor corridor. Outside the door I took out the Walkman I had asked Hermione to get me and pressed play.

 _Ooga-chaka Ooga-Ooga_

 _Ooga-chaka Ooga-Ooga_

 _Ooga-chaka Ooga-Ooga_

 _Ooga-chaka Ooga-Ooga_

I walked in under the cloak, a levitating stunned Ron behind me, Walkman in hand and casted a _sonorus_ charm on the headphones, Fluffy's attention immediately went to the music, I closed the door behind me and took off the cloak putting it inside the pocket of my robes.

I can't stop this feeling

Deep inside of me

Girl, you just don't realize

What you do to me

When you hold me

In your arms so tight

You let me know

Everything's all right

With the three-headed dog asleep I quickly went to work, I pushed its massive paw away from the trap door and opened it, glancing down I sighed before looking at Ron, I tapped his head with my wand muttering a quiet 'Ennervate'

"Haley?" He asked confused, I grinned.

I'm hooked on a feeling

I'm high on believing

That you're in love with me

"Where are we?" He asked as I kept looking down the trapdoor.

"Third floor corridor, Moldyshorts wants to steal the philosopher stone, so I'll get it first" I explained, Ron kept on looking at me confused

"Why am I here?" He asked, I looked at him and smiled.

"I heard that you are a great chess player, so off you go Ronnikins" I said before pushing him down the trapdoor me following soon after.

Lips are sweet as candy

It's taste stays on my mind

Girl, you got me thirsty

For another cup of wine

"Lumos Maxima!" I said as I felt the Devil's Snare, Ron stopped squirming as the branches receded from us because of the light.

"You are bloody mad! Completely bonkers!" He exclaimed once we were safe on the floor, I laughed.

"Mad, bonkers, the best people are Ron, remember that, now lets go, we cant afford to linger."

Got a bug from you, girl

But I don't need no cure

I just stay affecting

If I can be sure

We walked into the next chamber and saw the flying keys, I sighed.

"Accio key that fits!" I said and waited... Nothing happened and I groaned, and looked at Ron, "Stay by the door, be ready to make a dash for it" I ordered as I went to take the broom.

All the good love when we're all alone

Keep it up girl

Yeah, you turn me on

I flew around the room looking for the damned key until I saw the one that was different and made a dash for it

I'm hooked on a feeling

I'm high on believing

That you're in love with me

My hand grasped the key and all the others turned to me, "Fuck" I turned the broom around and flew down.

All the good love

When we're all alone

Keep it up girl

Yeah, you turn me on

"Outta the way Ronald" I screamed as I jumped down from the broom, Ron was quick to move and I was quicker to open the goddamned door and haul him to the next room with me

I'm hooked on a feeling

I'm high on believing

That you're in love with me

I'm hooked on a feeling

And I'm high on believin'

That you're in love with me

I said I'm hooked on a feeling

And I'm high on believin'

That you're in love with me

"Never again" I breathed once we were out of harms way, Ron was still wide eyed and I straightened up.

"Look Ron, I know shit about chess, but you do which is the only reason why you're here." I explained motioning towards the giant chess set.

"You're bloody mad Haley," he told me; I rolled my eyes.

"Are you going to help me or not?" I asked.

"I'm bloody here aren't I?" he said snappily, I grinned at him.

We shuffled around the board and I had to admit that Ron knew his shit, and we even managed to end the game without any of us harmed, thanks god. When we approached the next door I remembered the troll and I stopped Ron from opening it.

"There's a troll in there, so you'll have to let me handle it or else you might die and I'd have to tell your mum why I kidnapped you in the middle of the night" I explained, Ron looked like he wanted to protest but I leveled my best glare at him before walking through the door.

Unfortunately for me, the troll was there, unfortunately for the troll I was alone with it, no students in sight that might think me a dark witch for killing one so fast or for me to worry about, I smirked as it noticed me.

"You know, I killed a fugly just like you a couple of months ago" I said, the thing roared and I giggled, "My name is Haley Fucking Potter, prepare to die bitch" I said before launching a well place _confringo_ at the cub of the troll blasting the thing to smithereens, the troll roared again and charged towards me a quick placed bombarda and a swift protego shield was all I needed to off the pesky troll, I could say that I was getting better at this.

I turned to the door and opened it "It's safe now Ron, come on" I said, the ginger rolled his eyes at me but followed.

We walked across the room careful not to step on troll's blood or goo, Ron looked slightly green by the time we made it to the next door, I walked in first and let out a sigh when I saw Snape's potions primly set on a table.

"We should have brought Hermione" murmured Ron as he read the puzzle over my shoulder.

"Oh hush Ronald, I can be as smart as Hermione, I'm just slightly less motivated" I said and he snorted. Snape's puzzle read as following:

Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind,

Two of us will help you, whichever you would find,

One among us seven will let you move ahead,

Another will transport the drinker back instead,

Two among our number hold only nettle wine,

Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line.

Choose, unless you wish to stay here for evermore,

To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four:

First, however slyly the poison tries to hide

You will always find some on nettle wine's left side;

Second, different are those who stand at either end,

But if you would move onwards, neither is your friend;

Third, as you see clearly, all are different size,

Neither dwarf nor giant holds death in their insides;

Fourth, the second left and the second on the right

Are twins once you taste them, though different at first sight.

"Okay, so first is poison, second's might be, tiny three is my way in" I grabbed the smaller bottle then smiled at Ron "fourth might be bitter, five a certain death, six's the devil's number so seventh's my saving grace" I said with a grin on my face, Ron looked at me confused.

"You didn't need to make a rhyme out of it," said Ron, I snorted as I grabbed the seventh bottle; I looked at Ron and handed him the invisibility cloak.

"You're such a killjoy Ron, seriously, let me have some fun, now you'll hide and cover yourself under the cloak, once I'm out of there you come and stand next to me and we'll make our way out, kay?" I explained, Ron nodded and I smiled.

I watched as he got under the cloak and drank the potion that would let me in and walked through the wall of flames, I sighed as I saw the mirror on the opposite side of the room, I had been avoiding that mirror for almost an entire year, but alas I couldn't let Voldemort get the stone, nor Dumbledore make Flammel or his wife die because of it, so I straightened myself and walked towards the mirror.

I looked positively tiny in Haley's body, the reflection started shifting and I saw myself, as Alexandra Noir, dressed in skinny jeans a white shirt and a white pair of converse shoes, my long hair braided, next to me stood, surprisingly James and Lily Potter and little Haley, they smiled and waved at me, then mirror-me held the red stone in her hands and put it inside of Haley's pocket and I felt the weight of the rock in my robes, mirror-me winked and I nodded.

I drank the potion and made sure to dump the rest and replace their content with some of the poison. Ron was quick to stand next to me and I smiled at him and motioned for him to follow. With his help, we managed to vanish the troll although it took a lot of trial and error, we couldn't let everyone know that I had been here now, could we?

When we returned to the chess room the game had arranged itself, but we didn't have to play our way out, the room with the keys was the same and Ron and I managed to climb up the devil's snare.

Footloose was playing when we reached fluffy, the dog was sleeping and I grabbed the walkman and ushered Ron out before quickly following before the dog could awaken and tear me to shreds. It was an even more careful trek up to the tower but since me and Ron were tiny we both fit perfectly under the cloak.

"I can't believe it was that easy" I said as we walked into the common room, Ron smiled.

"I still think that you're mad" he said, I ruffled his hair.

"The best people are Ron, get with the program" I said, Ron yawned and I followed, "Let's go to sleep, tomorrow morning I'll send a letter to the Flammels setting up a meeting point for me to return the stone"

"You won't give it to Dumbledore?" asked Ron; I shook my head.

"Ron, if you and I could retrieve the thing and Dumbledore was actively protecting the stone, then doesn't that tells you that our esteemed headmaster is not fit to guard such thing?" I asked and Ron seemed to consider it.

"You're right" he said and I grinned.

"I'm always right, now go to sleep, can't have you falling asleep in class tomorrow" I said.

We said our goodbyes and walked to our respective rooms.

* * *

It was three nights later that Dumbledore announced that professor Quirrell had perished from unforeseen circumstances, I exchanged glances with Ron and nodded; Ron paled, but nodded anyways. Our study group had decided to get together and study for the finals that were several weeks away. With me not being knocked unconscious by Quirrellmort it meant that I could play against Ravenclaw in the final match of the season.

Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup, but balance was restored to the universe when Slytherin won the House Cup, the snakes looked positively delighted with their win and I was sneaking glances at Dumbledore every now and then. Thankfully he didn't do anything stupid and such I wasn't alienated for being the girl who lived, life was good.

"So, Haley, what will you do this summer?" asked Draco as we walked towards the train, I shrugged.

"I don't know, my godfather was let out of Azkaban so I might go to live with him instead of the muggles, a girl can dream eh?" I asked, a smile on my face, Draco nodded.

"If you can't then you can owl me" said Ron falling into step on my other side, "Fred, George and I could go get you" he said, I grinned at him.

"I'm sure you could Ron, thanks" I said, I looked at Neville and Hermione who had strange smiles on their faces, "And I promise to write to all of you this summer, maybe we could all get together for mine and Neville's birthday"

"It sounds great Haley" said Hermione, Suzy B nodded and I smiled pleased.

"Of course it does".

* * *

 **Okay this was first year, a little disclaimer, song's not mine, as you know, whatever you recognized from the books and/or the movies, not mine, I hope you had your fun :) cause I sure did.**


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